2018 for me was something else. Like really something else. I’ve walked (or crawled) through a couple rough storms, had to reevaluate some close relationships, and cutoff toxic ones. All these things took me to a low place. A place of uncertainty and lack of hope. I found myself questioning God’s goodness to me based on how the people he brought into my life treated me. I questioned His faithfulness to me when I found myself in a deep, deep, deep depression that took a hard toll on my mental and physical health. All of it combined made me question just how much He did indeed love me, and if this was what He had for me in this current season. I fell into this very dark place and finally at the end of myself, I cried out from an extremely desperate place. I mean extremely desperate. Then, it happened. God stepped in and began drastically shifting some things. He began to work some things out and lead me away from others, He began to draw me closer to Him. As the storms around me began to settle, God began to really expose some holes in my trust in Him, and some holes in how I viewed Him. That was where I lost it. I began to find myself crying and repenting every time I went into His presence. How in the world did I get so caught up in what was going on around me that I completely lost focus of Him? How in the world did I get so distracted that I began to see God as my experiences in Him or in the people around me, believer or not, and their actions toward me? How in the world did I allow this world to harden my heart toward the only person I can’t live without? The answer to these questions is simple. I lost focus. I will openly admit that when storms began to kick up, I began to shy away from my intimate time with God. With every bad thing that set itself up against me, I went into defense mode instead of kneeling before God and asking for guidance on how to properly handle the situation big or small. With every offense and hurt that I endured from a brother or sister, I took it personally and harbored bitterness and tried to use it as my weapon versus taking it to God and allowing Him to heal me in that moment. I called myself taking matters into my own hands and it wore me out!! Completely!! So now as this year comes to a close, I am now more ready than ever to return to the covenant. To return to the intimate place I once slept in with God. I am ready to return to the covenant so that I may repent, heal, and refocus for what lies ahead. Despite how we fall short, the bottom line is that God is God, and He is indeed good. He is faithful. He had a plan for us and our lives well before we came to be. He has the remedy to every hurt and every difficult situation. He stays ready to lead and guide in every moment of our life, but this can only happen when we have a proper FOCUS on Him. Every victory and breakthrough in our life can be directly tied to how focused we are on Abba as father. That’s where it starts and then takes off. So yeah, I am planning to walk into the new year and this new season more focused than ever and I plan to stay focused all 2019!!

2 thoughts on “Focused All 2019

  1. Beautifully written love. You’re stronger this year because you were strong last year. Even without people noticing that you’re bleeding.


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